I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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