Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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