she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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