so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
