Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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