i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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