this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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