She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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