she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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