Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
