as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
