We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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