The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
