Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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