Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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