youre lurking in front of me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
