her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
