Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
