quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
