I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
