oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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