she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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