I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
