it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
