Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
