Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
