P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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