I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
