went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
