I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
