i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
