I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
