Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
