Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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