just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
