We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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