just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
