Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's always time for handjobs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
