Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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