smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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