I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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