last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize