im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
