Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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