I just saw a hot homeless man
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
