As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
