just come out here and I will go home with you...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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