its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
