I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
