i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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