Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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