I love black thongs
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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