he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
