I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
