My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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