I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I am one with the molecules
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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