May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
