and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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