she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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